27, 26- the worst run ever, and the day after

I was going to put off this post another day until tomorrow because I have to go through 2 days in one because my internet (that I mooch from a neighbor) wasn't working last night.  Which stunk.  Because......

I HAD THE WORST RUN EVER YESTERDAY.
I'm not an overly dramatic person, so when I say this, you better believe it is true.  Absolutely everything went wrong on this run and it left my confidence shaken.  I had planned 20 miles, but ended up with the slowest, most panstaking 11 miles of my life.  Literally.  And when I mean everything was wrong, I mean EVERYTHING.  I had to wake up at 5am to do the run because I had to work on Sunday, which I never do.  I HATE having to rush into a long run (unlike other shorter runs that I do at the butt crack of dawn all the time.)  I was starving when I woke up, however, I realized later that it was more dehydration than anything from the day before and my tummy troubles.  Anndd, my blisters that I got from some new shoes I'm trying were throbbing before I started.  I gulped down some yogurt (which I always eat without a problem before runs) and headed out pre-6am.  It was dark, but 1/2 mile in it started thundering and lightening.  I had my ipod on, but was waiting to turn it on.  Before the mile mark, I was absolutely drenched.  Everything.  I must have looked ridiculous running in the rain/storm, at 6am on a Sunday, completely soaked.  Around this time too, I started to feel REALLY nauseous.  I can't remember this ever happening to me before on a run.  I tried to fight through it and quicken my pace, but everytime I did, the feeling just got worse.  I pushed on, but knew I wouldn't make 20 miles because a) I felt so horrible and b) I was running so freaking slow I would run out of time.  6 miles out, I stopped to stretch under a tree while trying to ring out my shirt.  I couldn' t even turn on my ipod to distract me because it was soaked.  And I felt even more sick when I stopped so I didn't know how I would get home!  I started running again and felt really angry at everything.  Mad that I had to work (ie no weekend) so I couldn't do my run at my ideal time.  Mad that I had to drive so much during the weekend to help my parents out (babysitting the cat.)  Mad that I was running at a pace that I literally didn't think I was capable of.  Mad that my awesome training week last week would be overshadowed by the total RUN FAIL of that day.  Somehow I made it back home.  I had to stop a few times along the way because I thought I was going to puke.  I think my last mile was 10-11 minutes.  Unreal.  By that point, I really had stopped caring.

Needless to say, I've been questioning my ability ever since.  The main thing I need to do in the next few weeks is having quality long runs, and I blew it.  I'm slowly getting over it, but it is taking time.

26- Today was much better.
I considered chucking my phone at the wall when the alarm went off at 4:45am.  My 4th day at the bakery in a row (my Wednesday shift was switched to today).  It was tough because I'm not at all prepared to teach this week because I was working/driving all weekend.  Anyway, my problems were solved by the infinity of coffee I drank between 6am-12pm at the bakery.  Usually caffeine doesn't effect me, but I was seriously shaking on my drive to teach.  After teaching I met up with my pops for a run!  As I mentioned before, we work in the same area.  I ran 2 miles to warmup while he changed and then we ran 8 together.  Both of us had dead Garmins so we just did the 8 miles as 72 minutes because my dad is consistent with the 9min/mile training pace.  I'm happy to report that it felt EASY.  Which is good considering my runs are 7:30-8min pace.  This slightly helped my confidence.  Plus it was so nice to run with my pops!  I'm not sure if I have mentioned it, but he is running the same marathon as me- it is his first (and he says ONLY) marathon!  Soooo excited for him.

Ok, this post is getting ridiculously long.  Today was a long day, but better than yesterday.  Sorry if this post turned into a bitch session about my life.  Everything is really good overall, and I know I am fortunate, but sometimes I just get fed up with how hard I am working at everything (ie running, jobs, money making etc) for so little, and wonder if it is all worth it.